Lil Louie's First Day of School Revisited...

I wrote this in 2007 on my little guy's first day of preschool.
Many of my fellow Arthrogryposis parents are sending their little ones to their first day of school and thought I'd share this one again. Love you and miss you all...

November 19, 2007

Firsts are so hard on me. I do not know why. I hate it when that first birthday comes around. I hate it when that first step comes. I hate that first word. I hate the first tantrum. I hate the first crawl. That first accident. I hate that first time they dress themselves. I hate that first crush. I hate that first girlfriend or that first boyfriend. Or that first best friend. That first fall. That first time polishing of nails. That first trip to the doctor. To the hospital. That first road trip. That first visit to Texas or Colorado to visit the grandparents. I hate it all. I hate it for what it stands for. I hate it for what it represents. Because each first is that step away from me, away from home, away from our family. Each first is a step towards their independence. I get to take many firsts four times over. Good LORD what was I thinking?!?! Today my son took a major first! As he took his steps towards his first day of school. I saw him taking those first very symbolic steps towards his independence. Except I didn't hate it so much. I hated it because I was scared for him. I was scared he'd be made fun of. I was scared he would fall. I was scared people would look and stare and wonder and ridicule. I was scared the kids would torment and taunt him. I was scared that he wouldn't adjust. I was scared of so many things for him. But I didn't crumble and cave to the desire to grab my son in my arms and run to my car. I didn't run off with him, away from the potential negativity, from everything I feared because more than anything for him, my son, I want him to be independent. I need him to take those many million firsts in life. Because I need him to be independent, and loved and respected, and cherished but more importantly I need him to be looked at no differently than any of the other child in that school or anywhere else. If I prohibit those many firsts he must take, I know and acknowledge that I would prohibit what I want for him more than anything in the world. I know my son is different. I know the world regardless of what they say to me, see my son as different and wonder how he will adapt in this world. But I also know that any person who takes the time to know him will see how very wonderful, unique and amazing my son is. So today on your first day my little guy, I fought back the tears, and held my head up high, because you were taking a most important first today, walking your first steps towards your preschool class.