A story I had to share

One of the members of our support group submitted the following. It was so sad and beautiful that I had to share with you all. This is one of those stories that we question the validity, but this is so true it absolutely breaks my heart.

In honor of our son's sixth birthday... I’m sharing our adoption story with those who are considering adopting as a thank you to all who have helped in our process. If you are interested in photos and
more details on our adoption you can go to my blog at www.spaces.msn.com/members/thelowrys . In December 2004 my husband and I were celebrating Christmas and the 1st birthday of our firstborn son. We had a wonderful life and were so blessed to be surrounded by family and friends. Then the Asian tsunami hit and really brought home to us how truly blessed we were. My husband was so touched by what he saw on the news that he mentioned possibly adopting one of the tsunami orphans. Well I had always had adoption in my heart and jumped on this chance to pursue it, knowing that my husband was now on the same page. We quickly found out that most international countries do not allow foreign adoptions and the chances of adopting a child orphaned by the tsunami were very slim. Still we felt that this was the right time to adopt and continued
researching. Although we can’t explain exactly why, somehow our hearts led us to Ukrainian adoption. We also decided that a boy around age 4 or 5 with a mild disability would be right for our family. Then we saw online a post about a boy who was about to turn 5 and needed a home urgently (more on why later). The post said that he has hip dysplasia. We researched hip dysplasia and found out that we have a Shriners hospital here in Tampa that would treat him for free and
we said lets go for it. A few weeks later when we received a full medical report we were upset to find out that he also had clubfoot and arthrogryposis of his lower half. Doing research online we realized that with these additional diagnoses the amount of surgeries and time in casts would be much larger than if he just had hip dysplasia. We really struggled with whether we could handle
this, the impact on our family, and finally came to the decision that yes, we can do this. Lots of paperwork, lots of waiting, etc and 7 months after we originally decided to adopt our son we were on our way to Ukraine. Unfortunately, Ukraine had just changed the court process and was in a time of transition when we traveled. When we originally decided to adopt the time in country was one trip of around 2.5 weeks. We ended up taking two trips and spending 5 weeks in country. In all honesty we would not have decided to adopt if we knew in advance that it would take 5 weeks in Ukraine. I guess it falls under the category of “things happen for a reason”. Meeting our son was one of the most amazing times of our life. Yes there is a huge language barrier but you find ways to communicate. We knew right away that he was smart and so strong. His upper body is not affected and is incredibly strong. He is almost 100% independent by using his arms to get around. We were very happy that he seemed healthy and well behaved. We’ve been home four months now and will be celebrating my son’s sixth birthday tomorrow. To say that I am an incredibly proud Mother is an understatement. He has gone through so much in his life and still has an amazing personality and strength. Everywhere we go people fall in love with him. People will tell us that we are amazing or angels for adopting him. He is the one who is amazing. Despite all the obstacles in his life he
continues to thrive. Medically we still are not sure what his story will be. Lots of tests, lots of specialists, and still no firm diagnosis. They think it may be a syndrome but not sure which one. We may pursue genetic testing but are waiting until things slow down a bit. We had a really big scare when the doctors said they think he may have spina bifida. The reason it was scary was because to us surgery on the spinal cord or brain surgery seems more serious and dangerous than surgery on bones and muscles. However, we received the good news that the MRI showed no spinal defects or other major issues. We still believe that he has nerve damage but not sure if that was a birth defect or gradual over the years of non-treatment of his deformities. Our first surgery is scheduled for mid-April to attempt correction of the club-foot. We’re not sure of the long-term plan but we know he is so strong that he will find a way to make it with whatever physical obstacles remain. For those considering adoption I have to say that at least in these first few months the behavior and
developmental issues have been more difficult than the physical ones. He lived in the orphanage from birth and often lived in groups of children that were mentally disabled or in groups where the children were much younger than him (due to his physical disability). When we went to get him he was 5.5 years old and living with a group of two year olds. As you can imagine his development is
delayed on many levels. His behavior was not extreme but was difficult in the beginning as he was adjusting to his new life, new family, and new rules. Time and lots of therapy will tell if he will be able to overcome his early deprivations. It will be very interesting to see where he is in a few years. Ok, back to why he urgently needed a home when he was about to turn 5. This section is disturbing so skip over it if you don’t want to know. I feel it’s important to share this part because it is part of our son’s story and the other children not adopted deserve a voice. In almost all former communist bloc countries orphans are treated the same way. (Orphans include children not truly orphaned
but abandoned or abused by their parents). The young orphans live in a “baby home” until age 4. This home includes both young children considered healthy and those considered disabled either physically or mentally. When its time to transfer to an older children’s orphanage at age 5, if the children are considered mentally disabled they are sent to an “institution”. Also at age 5 physically disabled children are evaluated and those that cannot walk independently are also sent to the same institutions. (By the way most of these physically disabled children receive no therapy, surgery, or equipment like walkers, which would help them get to the place where they could walk independently) Our son was one month away from turning five when he would have been sent to an institution when we decided to adopt him. These institutions are basically he** on earth and most children die after a few years there. They have little food, medical care, clothes, blankets, and all other basic life necessities. Those that are mobile are left to wander aimlessly all day. Those who do not have 100% bladder control and those that are considered too dangerous to allow to walk, are forced to lie in bed all day. And by forced I mean that many are tied to the bed so that they cannot get up if they try. They are often naked or naked from the waist down and left to lie in their own urine and feces all day. To say that it makes me sad and mad that this is how these children are treated (and how my son would have been treated) is an understatement. I want to vomit thinking about it. One boy who was only a month older than our son and grew up in the same baby orphanage as him was not lucky enough to find a family. He was maybe a little more disabled than our son but could still scoot around on his butt and walk with assistance; he did not have behavioral problems and could feed himself. He was transferred last spring when he turned five to the local institution. Just recently someone went to visit him and found him naked and tied to the bed. He has lost all the words he could speak and can no longer support himself to walk with assistance. It’s just a matter of time before he dies.