14 October 2009

What if...


Many parents prior to embarking on becoming a parent, or trying to conceive have a tendency of asking themselves, “What if something goes wrong?” Question if the timing is perfect for their first child or their next addition.

I recall being at a local amusement park, in the nursing center, nursing my Lily Rose talking to another mother there. She was nursing her number two and I told her I was nursing my fourth. As I continued to rock my Lily, the mother said wow, I’d love to have more kids but my husband and I are just aren’t sure. We have two healthy kids. Isn’t that enough? What if the next time something goes wrong? She then asked me if I was scared about that.

I remember being a bit taken back by her question. Paused. Then replied: I have the what if. My son is the “what if.” And the love for him is indescribable.

And although that was a good answer, I wish I could have expounded then like I can now. My “what if” is turning 5 soon. I remember when he was born: the silence; the calm; how serene I felt looking at him. Thinking there’s nothing wrong with my baby he’s beautiful just like all my other children. Come what may, this baby is mine to love and boy did I/ do I love him. Please don’t misunderstand me, the enormity of his condition hit me hard and was absolutely devastating, but in the first moments of holding him, I knew to the core that things were just as they should be. I remember calling friends and family, loved ones and just simply saying, “There’s something wrong with the baby. We don’t know what we’re dealing with, but please pray.” Everyone was so strong for us, because they knew that’s what we needed. Even though I know when they weren’t in our presence, they shed their tears, whispered their fears and prayed with all they had.

But now as I approach Little Louie’s 5th birthday, I reflect on my “what if” and here’s what I say to anyone pondering and wondering... please remember that being a parent is not a trivial task. It takes great responsibility if one is to be a good parent. We as parents will always have issues that must be addressed with our children. From fevers, to emotional problems, to cognitive delays, to physical issues, just to name a few. Some of us already have the "what if" child, some of us were blessed with more than just one. But in all actuality regardless of whether or not a first (or second or third, etc…) child is born with Arthrogryposis, or some other "condition" those are merely the known and seen issues. As a child grows, we parents will continue to be faced with much more complex issues. So don't be afraid of having more children, or trying for your first as long as you are prepared to handle the responsibility of parenting that child, because really they are truly all perfect, regardless of the diagnosis. All four of my children are absolutely beautiful.

Happy 5th Birthday my son.



--- r.g. morales

1 comment:

mom2themaniacs said...

beautiful post, rosalinda. you are such a wonderful mother.that's why God picked you!